#capitano gets ripped off the short story

[rhineposting]

“So you’re telling me that this war-horse stallion you purchased not that long ago not only isn’t a stallion, but it’s also not even a horse to begin with?”

Capitano nodded idly to the question, otherwise occupied by the task at hand, which had been thoroughly brushing the mane of the animal ; a beautiful gray and white pony, in height barely reaching to his chest. Truth be told, he never quite intended on getting a horse to begin with, he could march fast well enough on his own, and it was good for keeping his condition in check. However the Jester insisted, and so, a few years back he went searching for a travel companion. People from all over were offering their steeds as soon as they learned of the Harbinger’s search, desperate to strike gold. Though he was no business man or dignitary, the Captain was well aware that a single purchase of his was akin to a whale-fall in the ocean of markets and trades. Therefore, he did not make haste in purchasing a horse - deliberately picking where the whale would be best off falling.

That, and of course, he didn’t want just any horse.

Those already grown had their own personality, especially those who had already been in a conflict. As such, the likelihood of one such veteran cooperating with him was low, same could not be said about the likelihood of accidents occurring. He truly would not want to fight with a horse over a minor disagreement in which there were none to blame, that would have been just unfair to the animal.

Therefore, he chose to raise one such steed for himself from a colt. That way, it ought to have been attuned to him from the very beginning, he thought to himself. Thus he had went on an even longer search for a colt befit of military activity, one that would be able to support his weight in the battlefield should the need ever arise. Of course, as he soon after learned, that was a task as easy as finding a needle within a stack of hay, for none matched his requirements. Perhaps it was doomed to fail, Capitano would think, and that was in truth the preferable outcome for him. That way, the Jester would per chance leave him be to keep walking on-foot to whichever his destination may be. A horse may be moody, but his own body fell to no such weaknesses, after all.Then, during one visit to a particular farm, he had been shown a colt - larger than most of it’s peers, nimble yet strong and capable, and with a gorgeous coat too. Its first owner couldn’t find enough words of praise for the animal, constantly listing seemingly endless good qualities whilst Capitano fed it with before provided snacks. As expected, the price was twice as large as that of a regular colt, but for a man his status few were things he could not afford, and a horse was not one of them. So he paid everything upfront and returned to the capital with his finally obtained steed.

Alas, as the years passed, it scarcely grew until eventually it stopped growing entirely - tall enough just to nibble on his coat every now and then, and that’s where it occurred to him that perhaps there was something wrong with the horse.

But of course, there was nothing wrong with it. It just wasn’t a horse.

The Jester sighed, rubbing at the bridge of his nose, “At the very least, do you still have the name and location of that merchant? This kind of transgression cannot be forgiven or forgotten. Otherwise, you’ll send word far and wide that Harbingers can be tricked and cheated with absolutely no repercussions. Surely, neither you or I desire that?”

To that, Capitano only kept combing the pony’s mane, his time-off pants and shirt long since covered in coarse gray hair. Every now and then, he’d spare a gentle caress to her side, and she seemed most pleased. So was he, in turn.

“If you wish to put the merchant on trial for deliberate misinformation, I’ll make no arguments against it,” he answered, quite plainly - before continuing- “However, I do think Siobhan had fulfilled her role as my companion rather admirably. I can count on one hand the number of men more loyal than her. Regardless of the kind of sentencing her first owner will receive, that won’t decide whether I shall keep her or not.”

Ever so slightly amused, the Jester chuckled and took a seat. Far, on the other side of the room, away from the pony. While her quarters had been regularly scrubbed clean, the smell of an equine was still one of Jester’s least favorite smells. His sense of smell had been decaying well enough on it’s own for the last few decades, no need to hasten the process of completely losing his scent.

“Why, are you not worried that should the time arrive, she’ll be rather vulnerable to harm?” the Jester asked, most curious. To which the Captain momentarily paused the combing and proceeded to march off to the side where something akin to a wardrobe stood, from which the man pulled out a mesh of metal plates and leather straps - the contraption soon being carefully secured atop the animals head ; revealing itself to be a tailored helmet with a sharp, metal pike sticking out from the helmet’s forehead. Siobhan seemed most pleased.

“She headbutts things and people when she’s stressed,” the Captain explained calmly, unaware of the absurdity of the image he created with that one act alone,“And as of recently, I’m trying to teach her how to carry a weapon with her teeth, though I haven’t yet decided what kind of weapon it should be. Safe to say, sooner or later, she’ll be more than safe from lethal harm.”

Once again, the Jester chuckled - barely restraining an undignified bark of laughter from pouring out as the makeshift war-unicorn looked between the two of them, it’s gaze yearning for brain cells to spare. It had gotten to the point where the Jester, usually immovable and stern, could not bear to look at the animal no longer, least he’d risk his dignity once more.

“…So be it. You may keep her, but don’t say I did not warn you, Captain,” he eventually coughed out, his back turned to the man and his companion both. “Is there anything else you wanted to speak of before I ask Ajax to fetch us the thief?”

“One thing, yes : I would like Siobhan to be added to the portrait you commissioned for me when I first joined. She earned it.”

[thatdeadaquarius]

I have so many ideas but none of them can be put into words, all I can do is just wheeze as they come along🤣

Also remember how wordy and flowery Teyvat speech/dialogue is? ADD THAT TO THE FACT THAT TEYVAT HAS ITS OWN LANGUAGE---

Reader can understand the basic speech which is why they are so blunt (I love this idea so much 🤣) and can piece together an idea what the person is talking about.

*insert random person talking about a commission with a long ass backstory*

Traveller & Co.: *understands completely and making plans to retrieve said commission*

C!Reader: (They said they had a cart.... a bunch of hilichurls appeared... dancing?.... they want us to dance fight the hilichurls???? Dance off???)

Actual story->The person's cart got ambushed by a group of hilichurls and taunted them by dancing around it.

....... it doesnt always translate well

Also imagine Reader heaeing random names and overthinks it as a word instead of a name.

Example: Pantalone means pants in Philippine English (sorry not sorry Pantalone)

Tsaritsa??? Oh do they speak russian there??? - reader

Capitano -> captain in some countries

(I once mistake Sandrone as Sandalone and I just went "... ehh??? Standalone? Sandalone as in Sand Alone???? Sandal (Flip flops)????

Oh wait its Sandrone" ".... as in Sand and Drone??--)

-Vine Boom

VINE BOOM ANON MY BELOVED 💖❤🧡💛💚💙💜✨️✨️

Gif is me writing u anything ever:

AHFLALA FERRRALLL I STG I ALSO THOUGHT ABT THIS!! WHY U COULD ALSO BE BLUNT BC U ONLY GOT THE BASICS 💀 RIP

Man theyre written language looks so scary to learn, kinda like when I looked into trying to learn Mandarin/Japanese (and even Korean), the letters r just inherently so different i was so intimidated

And u dont even read it like left -> right like English

Omg i tried to reply to a arabic comment on my art post once, and i felt so acommplished when i finally was able to type "اشكرك (thanks)" but like, i had to put it on the OTHER SIDE OF THE TEXT BOX, LIKE ALIGN IT TO THE RIGHT INSTEAD OF HOW U KNOW ENGLISH IS INHERENTLY ALIGNED LEFT, IT WAS SO TRIPPY-

Going thru genshin life only understanding minimal words of anything anyone says is honestly how i feel like ive been playing Genshin LMAO

Those analysis videos/lore are saving a bitch's life out here

PANTALONE IS ALSO RLLY CLOSE TO SPANISH FOR PANTS I KNOW WHAT U MEANNN LOL

UR ENDLESS CONFUSION FOR SANDRONE PLEASE ANON U DIDNT EVEN GET IT RIGHT THE FIRST CORRECTION IT JUST KEPT GETTING WORSEEE 😂😭 SAME THO

That would literally be you in genshin tho, like i could easily see it being like, back to back misunderstandings 😭😭

Like u think u got it right (Oh so his name is Rex Lapis, wait what? Morax? Ok his name is Morax...?? What??? Zhongli??? WHO IS THIS MAN-)

.

JFC first they gotta have a whole different language (like u saw in game)

And ON TOP OF THAT THEY CAN TALK FOR 10 MIN STRAIGHT ABT THE WEATHER OR SOME SHIT??

No... just, no.

U quickly decide u like what little bits of language u could pick up so far, which just results in,

U guessed it, simple speech and short fragmented sentences (or broken Teyvatian)

U cant even bring urself to care when u give half the characters a heart attack and send the rest into laughing fits

No fucks given, they wanna make this extra hard on u by being wordy on top of a new language,

Yeah u dont care what comes out of ur mouth anymore

Also, since everybody is raised in Teyvat very few ppl dont know the language, which once again brings us back to ancient/older deities/creatures who have a more simplistic version/outdated version of modern language

.

Omg getting stuff mistranslated bc u cant understand it all/only keywords sounds like hell but also rlly funny

Traveler/Paimon: "Alright, yes, all is well. We will accept this comission, and depart soon."

You: "...they want us to?? Dance fight?? Hilichurls...???"

Traveler just stares at u half in pity, half trying to hide their amused smile, Paimon is giggling

The commissioner is shook bc a supposed ancient creature?? Just accepted?? Their simple commission?? And u think they want u to dance battle???

.

PLEASE U MISTRANSLATE THE HARBINGERS NAMES RIGHT TO THEIR FACES

Signora: "You shall rue the day you crossed the Fatui mortals!"

You: "Lady we don't care, just fight us."

(Signora just means 'Lady')

Signora: *offended gasp*

Traveler/Paimon trying to stifle laughter

Raiden Shogun jaw dropped a little

.

Pantalone: "What a pleasure to finally meet you traveler, and thine wonderful companions!" *little bastard smile*

You: "And it was awful to meet you, Pants."

Pantalone: 😶😧😡 "Pants?! HOW DARE YOU NOT EVEN GIVE ME THE MOST BASE RESPECT, AFTER I GREETED THEE SO KINDLY-"

.

Oh its so funny, everytime you talk about Childe you always phrase it like he's an actual child bc u thought everyone was just calling him a little kid for some reason (u dont know how Teyvat ages work, he could be for all you know!)

Not very long, but Vine Boom anon your brain >>>>

Ur ideas r so on point, i love them sm

That makes perfect sense why u could be talking blunt too, like an in world explanation really

For you, all the desserts🥰 🤲🍪🍨🍰🍮🧋🍦🍡

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘